rhosyn @rhosyn@hackers.town

I should know better than to actually ask my boss for work, but, well. That's what this life is.

Yeah, so as I expected there were no responses at all to my outline and proposal. I doubt anyone even read it. So I deleted it at the end of the day yesterday.

And now I know that I have no value. And I'm not sure what to do next.

Spergy paranoia tells me that they're actually conspiring to edge me out. It's not really likely, but that kind of suspicion is a lifelong habit. Whatever the case, I need to do one of three things:

Start looking for a new position, on the grounds that I don't feel valued. I am super risk-averse, changing jobs terrifies me even in the best time, and I'm aging.

Find ways to be valued. Talk to the managers (we're a really small company, so that means one or two people). See if there's something I can offer that makes use of different skills. Anything but become a manager myself.

Soldier on. Stop caring. Get the paycheck.

Oh, fourth thing: Quit this shit entirely, and try to do what I really always wanted to do. Which probably won't pay shit, will make material quality of life impossible to sustain until/unless I "make it".

Fuck.

Several years ago, a friendly acquaintance made a strong libertarian argument for why private businesses - including pharmacies - were completely within their rights to withhold services from anyone whose behavior they disapproved of on religious grounds.

It should go without saying that he and I are no longer friends.

Though I have no more direct contact with him - he's still visible to me in certain tech circles - I do sometimes wonder if his opinions have altered in any way, given the current likely trajectory of policy... particularly in Texas, the state he moved to years ago to escape what he thought of as the "confining" liberalism of the East Coast.

I doubt I'll ever know, and I'm certainly not going to re-open that channel, to inquire.

I rather doubt it. He always had a mean streak, under his smile.

Oh, you better believe I'm filing this one in Receipts.

I, too, abjure the puritans among us.
But honestly, they're not our biggest problem.

"States' rights" invariably means that States have rights, not people.

Just wrote the longest single essay I have in months, proposing to my coworkers a project of investigation into and testing of different approaches to Knowledge Management, for a company that has the institutional memory of a goldfish.

Satisfaction in achievement: 8+
Likelihood of anyone reading it in full: ~5
Potential of meaningful action and results: <1

dayjob is peeling off key personnel - in just the past few weeks, director of operations (basically head project manager), and lead designer.

am worried.

I have literally just reached the "One word: _plastics_" phase of my career.

I think I've alluded to this before, but the problem remains that, given the growing consensus that someone in my position can really only be productive about 4 hours a day, it's a real struggle to figure out how to fill out that time sheet.

Coworker, on office chat: "Is anyone experiencing issues with the internet?"

Me: "Yeah, it's boring."

After decades of doing (this), I've finally trained myself to start email responses with "Hello, <name>". It still feels entirely alien, though.

#sperglife

I'm thinking of taking up (online) chess again. This time I need to limit myself to one game at a time, rather than overwhelming myself with the spergy enthusiasm.

Caught, drifting, on the shoals of these islands, some verdant, some arid. Never taking root, never thriving. Just. Drift.

Always uncertain how to log billable hours when your brain is just mush.

New Ghost album is better than I expected. I had't been too impressed with their first single, "Call Me Little Sunshine", but overall this is veering into good prog territory. Not sure it will surpass the great Meliora, but I think it will grow on me.

toot. toot toot toot toot toot.
neener.

Sperged out over the AC noise last night. It's a convector, and the impeller motor probably has bad bearings. For some reason the rattle felt to me like trying to sleep next to a lawn mower.

This is getting worse with age, I think. I've had panic reactions to sounds before - I once had to flee a Best Buy in which someone was testing the bass response of an auto stereo system - but insistent, thrumming noises in particular are really hitting me harder. It may be an over-sensitization, due to my tinnitus, which some days makes me look up... well, dark things. But it feels independent, and more like a general deterioration.