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Indrid Cold

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Hi. It's me, the Flatwoods Monster. I bet you fell for my pretending-to-be-human trick. I know, I know, but it gets 'em every time.

So, you found it. The official online presence of the Flatwoods Monster.

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Flatwoods Monster Facts:

1. I am the Flatwoods Monster.
2. An apple a day will not keep me away. I am sorry, but apples have no effect on me.
3. My favorite food is peanut butter and tinfoil sandwiches.
4. I do not understand ceiling fans.
5. I won the Nobel Prize for Scariness in 1987.
6. I never took the tags off of my Beanie Babies.
7. My favorite book is "Windows for Dummies".
8. I know monsters.

This is Radio Clash on pirate satellite.

Indrid Cold boosted
Indrid Cold boosted

microsoft: this is a good ghost. this ghost wants to be my friend and i want to be their friend. confident. a bit different than the rest.

samsung: this ghost want a hug, and i will reluctantly give it to them. they seem a bit off. it's probably the eyes. what's up with the eyes

whatsapp: this ghost is fun. they try very hard and i appreciate them. their off-center tongue position brings them ahead of the pack.

twitter: get away from me
leave the room
never contact me again.
i hate this

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Ditched a party to go listen to vaporwave at Kmart

Indrid Cold boosted

Apple keeps on disabling uBlock Origin because it will "slow down my web browsing experience."

Pretty sure that even with its slight added overhead on page rendering, NOT having to render gigantic piles of advertising elements will be a net performance gain.

Indrid Cold boosted

Don't forget to give treats to the ghost horses who pull your cars, buses, etc.

(Don't worry about feeding them; you're already doing that by putting ghost prehistoric plants in the gas tank.)

Indrid Cold boosted
Indrid Cold boosted

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry but the tests are back. Your child is artistic.

Parents: (sob)

Doctor: Now don't worry, it's not the end of the world. Your child will never have the mind of an executive, but with modern innovations like Etsy, Patreon and Kickstarter, they may be able to pay rent well into their mid-20s.

Parent: Did... did crayons do this

Doctor: Who can say? We're exposed to so many forms of art every day: music, poetry, language, geometry..

Parent: We're getting crayons BANNED

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Talk like a pirate day Show more

Indrid Cold boosted

Remember that time when Nightcrawler decided to harass Spiderman? I'm not really sure why, but I'm going to pretend that Peter was badmouthing Douglas Fairbanks or something, and, no, Kurt would never stand for that.

Indrid Cold boosted

I can't find a good image but one of my first comics ever was the Classic X-Men version of X-Men 155, the Brood saga. Nightcrawler very quickly became one of my favorites.


Indrid Cold boosted

Oh, boy! It's !

If you're new, here's what it is: On Wednesdays, we bask in the witty, good-naturedly demonic, and oh-so-handsome glow that is Nightcrawler from the X-Men.

All are welcome to participate by posting Nightcrawler pictures. It's fun! And I guarantee that it'll be the highlight of your day!

Indrid Cold boosted

I got this banana phone as a joke but it turns out it's the best Bluetooth headset I've ever used.

Help, I'm managing an international consulting firm via banana.

Indrid Cold boosted

OOog new #introduction

I am Ridley, they/them, 22 billion years old, covered in eyes unblinking and shadows unending

In my spare time I like reading cursèd runes, consuming bones, and taking long walks on the sandy dunes of the cosmic wasteland

My friends say I am "funny", "wonderful", "terrible", and "an all-around nightmare in both dreams and waking life; do not stare directly at Them, for you risk losing your very mind to the infinite void of Their existence"


Indrid Cold boosted
Indrid Cold boosted

so dumb: source of magic = Geoff Show more

Indrid Cold boosted

USA politics Show more

Indrid Cold boosted

emotionally abusive software, windows, all caps swearing Show more