Thoreau would drown you in Walden Pond.
Emily Dickinson would find a way to keep you isolated for the rest of your life.
Hunter S. Thompson: WE STOPPED IN BAT COUNTRY!
I think I’m done.
Shakespeare would probably be kind enough to let you choose your own tragedy.
E.B. White: You’re never, ever stop crying.
Stephen King? Don’t ask me. You’re just plain fucked.
Neil Gaiman would whimsy you to death, then harvest your soul.
Please stop me from continuing. God help us all.
Ray Bradbury would just sit you down and zealously but poetically ramble on about colonizing Mars for like four hours.
Nathaniel Hawthorne? I hope you like A’s, because a ten ton red one is about to crush you.
And Byron? He’d mope you to death. And Percy Shelley would drown you.
What, too soon? Too much late-Romantic melodrama and tragedy?
Ginsberg would obviously howl, shattering glass around him. Kerouac would just run you over with a car.
I wish that there was a version of Mortal Kombat, except with writers.
Mary Shelley’s finishing move is obvious. So is Poe’s. Philip K. Dick makes you spend the rest of your life questioning whether you exist or not. If you get taken down by James Joyce, you can only speak a confusing but beautiful language.
It's important for little girls to have positive female role models. That's why I have the confidence to walk into museums and just take stuff. Gobs and gobs of stuff. And nobody can catch me because they're too busy with those damn world almanacs.
Thank you, Carmen Sandiego, for making me the woman I am today.
If you can find it, another great documentary is Dan Aykroyd Unplugged, which is him chain-smoking in his basement and talking about UFOs for and hour and a half.
🛸
Good Lord! The worst (and I mean the best) JFK conspiracy documentary is on Amazon Prime now! Back in the day, Netflix had this glorious treasure, and I’m glad that it has finally found a new home.
It’s this bored guy rambling on about JFK and George H.W. Bush. A lot of things are misspelled, and it uses clip art that looks like it’s from a 1994 version of Corel.
There’s actually a sequel! It’s about how W. killed JFK, Jr., which is even more ridiculous than the original.
What a time to be alive.
When you steal a piece of the Abyss and twist it around into how you want, that’s magic. That’s creativity.
"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Hunter S. Thompson
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