Hi. It's me, the Flatwoods Monster. I bet you fell for my pretending-to-be-human trick. I know, I know, but it gets 'em every time.
So, you found it. The official online presence of the Flatwoods Monster.
Flatwoods Monster Facts:
1. I am the Flatwoods Monster.
2. An apple a day will not keep me away. I am sorry, but apples have no effect on me.
3. My favorite food is peanut butter and tinfoil sandwiches.
4. I do not understand ceiling fans.
5. I won the Nobel Prize for Scariness in 1987.
6. I never took the tags off of my Beanie Babies.
7. My favorite book is "Windows for Dummies".
8. I know monsters.
This is Radio Clash on pirate satellite.
microsoft: this is a good ghost. this ghost wants to be my friend and i want to be their friend. confident. a bit different than the rest.
samsung: this ghost want a hug, and i will reluctantly give it to them. they seem a bit off. it's probably the eyes. what's up with the eyes
whatsapp: this ghost is fun. they try very hard and i appreciate them. their off-center tongue position brings them ahead of the pack.
twitter: get away from me
leave the room
never contact me again.
i hate this
Apple keeps on disabling uBlock Origin because it will "slow down my web browsing experience."
Pretty sure that even with its slight added overhead on page rendering, NOT having to render gigantic piles of advertising elements will be a net performance gain.
Don't forget to give treats to the ghost horses who pull your cars, buses, etc.
(Don't worry about feeding them; you're already doing that by putting ghost prehistoric plants in the gas tank.)
Doctor: I'm terribly sorry but the tests are back. Your child is artistic.
Doctor: Now don't worry, it's not the end of the world. Your child will never have the mind of an executive, but with modern innovations like Etsy, Patreon and Kickstarter, they may be able to pay rent well into their mid-20s.
Parent: Did... did crayons do this
Doctor: Who can say? We're exposed to so many forms of art every day: music, poetry, language, geometry..
Parent: We're getting crayons BANNED
Oh, boy! It's #KurtWagnerWednesday!
If you're new, here's what it is: On Wednesdays, we bask in the witty, good-naturedly demonic, and oh-so-handsome glow that is Nightcrawler from the X-Men.
All are welcome to participate by posting Nightcrawler pictures. It's fun! And I guarantee that it'll be the highlight of your day!
I got this banana phone as a joke but it turns out it's the best Bluetooth headset I've ever used.
Help, I'm managing an international consulting firm via banana.
OOog new #introduction
I am Ridley, they/them, 22 billion years old, covered in eyes unblinking and shadows unending
In my spare time I like reading cursèd runes, consuming bones, and taking long walks on the sandy dunes of the cosmic wasteland
My friends say I am "funny", "wonderful", "terrible", and "an all-around nightmare in both dreams and waking life; do not stare directly at Them, for you risk losing your very mind to the infinite void of Their existence"
so dumb: source of magic = Geoff Show more
A D&D sorcerer is supposed to have a source of their magic, right?
What if it's Geoff? Geoff just... doesn't have time for adventuring anymore. Has a collection of artifacts, but you know, family has to come first. The best stuff is on display, but some is in storage. If an adventurer wants to borrow magical power, then sure... but only if they bring it back later! Just part of being a good neighbor.
"I don't know, I guess I've just outgrown magic?"
USA politics Show more
Silicon Valley designs machines to make our society regress — from missiles to Facebook.
If liberals get enthused about Mark Zuckerberg running for President (and he’s trying) they’ll end up voting for Trump Who Can Install Linux.