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meta, my boundaries 

Been thinking it over.

If I'm interacting with you, I am going to stay civil, pretty much no matter what. If I'm triggered, I might leave the conversation, but I won't attack you personally.

I expect the same back. Civility.

Even if we're talking about touchy stuff. Even if things feel like they're going off the rails. Even if someone harmed you in the past, and our conversation reminds you of it. I still expect civility.

Why? Because you can't see the great lengths I'm going to, behind this screen, to give it to you.

If you can't do it, please just block me now. Do us both a favor. I will miss you, but neither of us will miss the harm.

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Suppose it's time to renew my gentle personal request for Content Warnings (CW):

Politics
US politics
Brexit
Family holiday, positive or negative
Drug and substance use
Dysphoria & trans problems
Abuse
Money asks

I am absolutely gonna read a lot of these anyway, but I sure could use that extra moment to strengthen my heart.

Boosts ok. 💜​ and thank you for helping me.

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Sometimes I wonder whether people will get tired of me posting "Mo Dao Zu Shi / Untamed" fan wanking on main.

But how could you really mind?

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re: book rec request :boost_requested:, sci-fi canon 

@flydelion I'm a SFF fan (and writer!) and these are some faves.

It doesn't include lots of stuff from the 90s to today, but a lot of the replies already nailed that.

Ancillary Justice, Ann Leckie
The Songs of Distant Earth, Arthur C. Clarke
Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand, Samuel Delaney
Journey to the Center of the Earth, by Jules Verne
Sword of Rhiannon, by Leigh Brackett
What Mad Universe, by Frederic Brown
Last and First Men, Olaf Stapledon
Time And Again, by Clifford Simak
Rogue Queen, by L Sprague Decamp
The Martian Chronicles, by Ray Bradbury
Stardance, by Spider Robinson
The Dispossessed, by Ursula Le Guin
Hothouse, Brian Aldiss
The Dancers at the End of Time, by Michael Moorcock
To Live Again, Robert Silverberg
The Ship Who Sang, by Anne McCaffrey
A Different Light, Elizabeth Lynn
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
Steel Beach, by John Varley
The Vorkosigan Saga, by
Lois McMaster Bujold
The Martian, by Andy Weir
Space Opera, by Catherynne Valente
The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, by Becky Chambers

I've sometimes idly tried to pin down exactly what day my transition started.

There's November 30, 2016, when I started testosterone. July 31, 2016, when I tentatively announced to online friends that I thought I was a trans guy. Even May 15, 2015, when a dysphoria-related medical issue made me realize I needed to save myself, as no one else was going to do it for me.

But I think if I'm being honest, it started on March 8, 2015.

I was so *angry* at all the International Women's Day messages coming my way on Instagram, that I deleted the app I'd been on for years.

I felt dictated to, not included, and I was tired of the lies, though at the time I couldn't put my finger on who exactly was lying.

It was me. Accidentally.

Happy International Women's Day to ALL women. And have a really fucking great day, trans guys and nonbinary people and agender beauties.

financial help (+) 

I have got what I needed!

I'll make the calls on Monday, hopefully this legal/tax situation can be sorted out asap.

As ever, thank you so much for your generosity and trust. This might end up being circumstance-changing money for me, if I can get what I'm owed back from the U.S. government. And there are some pretty encouraging bits of information coming in about it.

Please let me know it if I can ever help y'all out.

I deleted the original ask post, as I'm good for the lawyer fee now! Thank you again!!

💜​💜​💜​

What I love about this, is what it makes me confront about myself.

*will I write him different?*

*should I?*

*will I feel compelled to write him sadder? less sexual? what is this bullshit within me that needs instant banishment?*

Same sort of brilliant honor that arose when I realized the main character of my scifi series was Black, and bisexual.

Challenge me, beautiful boys, as I write you. I need it.

Show thread

"But why did you make that character trans?"

Bold of you to assume I had a say.

re: trans man issues, mild transphobia 

I think I come back in my mind to the double-bind that often exists for trans men. Who should police them for toxic masculinity? And when?

My natural instinct is to believe trans men should police ourselves, and failing that, each other. And it should be done once a transgression has happened.

Instead, there's almost a preemptive policing, and a lot of the time it's imposed from outside. I've seen, so often, baby trans guys get hit with "here's how not to be one of the BAD ones!" while they're still literally walking around in bodies read as female.

This collides with two things:

1. The simultaneous demand to instantly start being "masculine enough" to not be dismissed as a "transtrender" (or whatever bigots are calling it these days).

2. The socialization many trans guys received to be policed from outside/a community/society.

The difference between what cis men need to do, and what trans men need to do, actually exists. To deny that -- to lump what "all men" need to do together -- is transphobic, because it erases trans men's transness.

It's even worse, because validation of our masculinity is often held hostage until we accept being lumped in with cis guys, instead of learning to own and control ourselves in alignment with our lived values. "You WANTED to be a guy, so...!"

(none of this is universal or absolute, just my own observations and experience, and those of acquaintances.)

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re: trans man issues, mild transphobia 

And yes, a lot of us trans guys are *acutely aware* of how attempting to get help for symptoms of oppression that are generally read as "women's problems" can undermine our gender agency.

A lot of the time, us not asking for help isn't actually toxic masculinity -- it's awareness that we have to choose between getting help, and getting read correctly. Isolation or dysphoria. It ain't great.

Even otherwise awesome, progressive cis people often start treating us like women if we're too open about needing help. I can *hear* y'all's tone of voice change, lol.

Check that, please. It's sexist! ;D

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re: trans man issues, list of forms of oppression 

Also, please remember that a good portion of trans men you see, meet, or hear from, are dealing with a "misogyny-hangover":

* aftereffects of sexual harassment or assault
* financial disadvantage and continuing abusive financial control
* emotional labor exhaustion
* poverty
* lack of access to basic health care, let alone medical/surgical transition
* unfamiliarity with self-authorization
* shakier career progression
* torn social webs

None of these are intrinsic to women, they are symptoms. Same for a lot of trans men.

A lot of trans dudes who get "known" are pretty middle class, and come from supportive families and progressive communities. They're the ones with the popular YouTube channels and writing gigs. And that's okay!

But they're the tip of a mighty quiet iceberg.

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trans man issues 

Weekly reminder that in Western society there's no clear-cut safe zone between being "masculine enough" to have our gender validated, and being "too toxically masculine" to have our character validated.

Please assume most of us are doing the best we can.

I don't know if anyone ever clicks on video links to music, but if you like ragtime piano and/or have a competence fetish --

Watch this 17-year-old kid playing "Topliner Rag", one of the most difficult to learn. It's incredible and beautiful.

youtube.com/watch?v=OY2NvAiaoV

re: transitioning 

If you're 20, don't become the 30-year-old trying to transition in the middle of a marriage and children.

If you're 30, don't become the 50-year-old trying to transition when most of the resources are for younger people.

If you're 50, don't become the 70-year-old who never transitioned, because "it was too late anyway". It ain't.

If you're 70, please transition, you will look amazing and be an inspiration to everybody!

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re: meta, my boundaries 

(I am not gonna argue about this boundary, civility requests as oppression, tone policing, or any of that. This is a personal request. Thank you.)

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meta, my boundaries 

Been thinking it over.

If I'm interacting with you, I am going to stay civil, pretty much no matter what. If I'm triggered, I might leave the conversation, but I won't attack you personally.

I expect the same back. Civility.

Even if we're talking about touchy stuff. Even if things feel like they're going off the rails. Even if someone harmed you in the past, and our conversation reminds you of it. I still expect civility.

Why? Because you can't see the great lengths I'm going to, behind this screen, to give it to you.

If you can't do it, please just block me now. Do us both a favor. I will miss you, but neither of us will miss the harm.

Protip for those who develop software, services, apps, etc. that use a subscription model:

If a client is using your product and cancels without telling you why, it's appropriate to send them an email asking for their reasons.

ONCE.

Don't send a second one. Or a third one. Or a fourth one, with increasingly form-letter psychological guesses as to why they quit.

You're a businessperson, not a shitty ex.

This is one of those items where googling is so unhelpful.

I keep getting served either thoughtful-but-not-entirely-relevant queer literary criticism thinkpieces, or else "Best Gay Moments on TV" articles.

I know it's a niche-within-a-niche, readers who want to read about The Gays.

But seriously, what would a queer author giving the readers what they want be GIVING them, exactly?

What do The Gays crave?

Show thread

Question for queer readers, though non-queer readers can also reply:

What sorts of things do you wish you saw more of in queer fiction, specifically relationships (romantic, friendship, and otherwise) between guys?

I know sometimes it seems like "just more representation, period" is the answer, but I'm curious -- what specific kinds of scenes would you feel most interested in getting lost in, with some imaginary strangers?

Are there things in queer books you've read that disappointed you, or that you think should be more common?

I know what my own opinions are, but I'd be eager to hear what others think.

Any and all answers are welcome, and boosts are appreciated.

Happy day of pet love, friend love, love of the craft, love of nature, love of writing, love of tea, love of hot baths, love of your own soul, love of things that make you belly-laugh.

Positive update on the trip and $! 

Thank you everyone for the help! Sorry I've not come on here yet and said thanks and given a status update. It was one of those days where tech, apps and phone all went completely borked. I am 100% on track to get back to Virginia, leaving tomorrow and arriving within a few days. I might be a bit scarce, just due to wifi and phone uncertainty, but I am fine and I love and thank you all.

Please accept this internet hug and cup of tea! 🤗🍵 You are genuine comrades, and once again you've changed a life.

Scotland, transphobia 

Here's a decent article summarizing the issue around Cherry, Sturgeon, and transphobia in the SNP party.

pinknews.co.uk/2021/02/01/joan

Scotland, transphobia, + 

Noted transphobe Joanna Cherry has been demoted within the SNP (the leading political party in Scotland, the First Minister's party).

She sucks and was running off younger members and Scottish voters.

It's nice to see a political party actually doing what they understand needs to be done.

Just some background: Cherry is they type to disguise transphobia as a "women's spaces safety debate", and thinks lesbians like herself intrinsically can't be homophobic/transphobic.

I can't wait until the day when people like that are out of power altogether.

Just your daily reminder that gender transition is speech. It should be free.

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Mystery Babylon's choices:

hackers.town

A bunch of technomancers in the fediverse. Keep it fairly clean please. This arcology is for all who wash up upon it's digital shore.