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So I asked GPT-3 to write a three act story about a woman who becomes a cat and discovers the secret of friendship. This is what it wrote... 

Act I

The woman is sitting in her house, bored and alone. She has always been a bit of a loner, but lately she's been feeling particularly isolated. She decides to adopt a cat, hoping that it will provide some companionship.

The woman goes to the shelter and finds a beautiful black cat. She takes her home and names her Midnight. Midnight is aloof at first, but eventually warms up to the woman and they become friends.

One night, the woman is petting Midnight when she suddenly falls asleep. When she wakes up, she realizes that she has turned into a cat! She is startled at first, but then she starts to enjoy her new form. She and Midnight spend hours playing together and the woman discovers the secret of friendship: it doesn't matter what form you take, it's the connection that matters.

Act II

The woman-turned-cat is happy in her new life, but she starts to miss her human friends. She tries to explain to Midnight what has happened, but the cat just meows in confusion.

One day, the woman sees a group of kids playing in the park. She remembers how much she used to love playing with her friends when she was a kid and she longs to join in. But she knows she can't let the kids see her in her cat form.

She follows the kids from a distance and watches as they play. She feels a pang of jealousy when she sees them laughing and having fun without her. But then she sees one of the kids fall and skin their knee. The other kids gather around, but no one knows what to do.

The woman-turned-cat knows she has to help. She runs over and licks the kid's wound. The kid smiles and thanks her. The woman-turned-cat knows that even though she can't play with the kids in the same way, she can still be there for them and be their friend.


The woman-turned-cat has been living in her new form for some time now and she's made peace with it. She knows that she can never go back to being a human, but she's content with her life as a cat.

One day, she and Midnight are playing in the garden when they see a group of birds. The woman-turned-cat remembers how much she used to love watching birds and she feels a sudden longing to fly.

She closes her eyes and imagines herself soaring through the sky. When she opens her eyes, she sees that she has transformed into a bird! She spreads her wings and starts to fly. Midnight meows in excitement and follows her.

The woman-turned-cat-turned-bird discovers that she can still be friends with Midnight, even though they are now in different forms. She also realizes that she can still enjoy the things she loved in her previous life, even in her new form.

So I asked GPT-3 to write a three act story about a man who finds a sentient banana charged with a mission to save the moon from transdimensional defenestration. 

...and this is what it wrote:

The man, who we'll call John, was just minding his own business, walking down the street, when he saw a banana lying on the ground. He decided to pick it up, and when he did, the banana spoke to him.

"Hello, John. I am a sentient banana charged with a mission to save the moon from transdimensional defenestration. I need your help."

John was understandably shocked, but he agreed to help the banana. Together, they set out to save the moon.

Act II

The pair quickly realized that they were in over their heads. They didn't know how to stop the transdimensional defenestration, or even what that was. But the banana was determined, and John was not about to give up.

They did some research and found out that the only way to stop the transdimensional defenestration was to close the portal that was causing it. But to do that, they would need to go to the other side.


John and the banana bravely stepped through the portal, and found themselves in a strange place. They were quickly attacked by the creatures that were causing the transdimensional defenestration.

But John and the banana were not alone. They were joined by a group of other people who had also been charged with saving the moon. Together, they were able to defeat the creatures and close the portal.

The moon was saved, and John and the banana were hailed as heroes.

I think this means I need to feed them or else they will eat me

Took a nap and dreamed that I made a mastodon bot posting images of words tattooed on fists and the one that went viral said “GOLF DADS”

Just ate some Malaysian instant ghost pepper noodles that I think were actually a Gom Jabbar test

Also a huge helping of "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" but dang

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Whoa, dang. "Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach" is really some Star Trek isn't it?

DALL-E can come up with some weird cute stuff sometimes. For that story's cover image, I asked for 'a robotic cat sitting on the bridge of a starship'

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UPDATE: I broke something.


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Catsby was there first, though. But Cosmo has learned the tone of voice we use when we see the neighbor cats outside

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(I really kinda want those cover plates but they're selling for like $150 on amazon these days)

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I just tried pasting in a github link in a work Slack chat and instead accidentally pasted this and hit return real fast

"Sando Aggro", a writing exercise wherein I became fixated on the idea of inappropriately aggressive kindness

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A bunch of technomancers in the fediverse. This arcology is for all who wash up upon it's digital shore.