I've been fighting a lot of shit coming my way lately.
One thing after another on top of all the previous ones.
I know that things are heated up around here, but I've been giving some people a pass.
I'm grieving. I don't get out of the house since 11 days ago, when I learned that a dear aunt of mine died.
She died alone, in another country, without her own family's support that were mere 5 minutes away from the palliatives building.
My sick mom and grandma flew thousands of kms away just to see her.
Her own daughter and husband, though, just kept their daily routines.
I've been deeply sad and angry - at them and life, and cancer. Fuck cancer!
My grandmother had 3 strokes, the last one a minor one, due to my aunt's passing.
My mom has Lupus and a heart disease that can make her die instantly at any second, now.
I have Multiple Sclerosis and my brain is lesioned in 3 different spots.
I also have Major Depression, GAD and Panic Disorder, Chronic Pain and Fatigue, just to name a few of my illnesses. They're mostly invisible, but they keep me unemployed.
I do a ton of shit around Fedi, and outside. I help communities grow up, try to foster positivity no matter how much my life is a mess; and I also moderate some instances.
Lately, with all the fash stuff, either from spammers or some new instances, or even just some others revealing themselves less likely for an optimal... consumption, on top of all of my own struggles I've been offline more.
I came back a couple of weeks ago. I customized cybrewear's site, ans that helped me keep my mind distracted from the bad things, but right now I'm just deeply sad at the state of things on Fedi.
All this infighting, and fallacious understandings of some rights has just made me lose someone I considered a friend.
I don't even know how to end this missive except that, if you're reading this until here, thank you.
re: Really sad tonight, Fedi - a rant.
@ella_kane <hug>